George
Vaillant MD in his book, Aging Well, examines
the lives of over 800 adults from early adulthood to old age. He
looked at those who were doing well later in life, who he calls the
“”Happy-Well,” and compared them to those who were having more
problems later in life- the “Sad-Sick.” He found that avoiding
cigarette smoking and getting regular exercise were the best
predictors of good physical health later in life. The best predictor of good
mental health later in life was not drinking alcohol in excess. If we
add to this the health effects of obesity, we have a recipe for a
healthier and happier life. All we have to do is avoid cigarettes,
not drink in excess, exercise, watch what we eat, and we will greatly
increase our chances of being one of the “the Happy-Well.”
Sounds simple, but
then why is it so hard to do? The main reason is that we tend
to justify our decisions, even our bad decisions. Psychology explains
this tendency using the idea of Cognitive Dissonance. The classic example of
this is the old Aesop fable The Fox and the Grapes. In this
story the fox sees some grapes hanging from a vine, but no matter how
much he jumps he can't reach them. He gives up and tells himself that
the grapes were probably sour. By telling himself this he justifies
his decision not to continue trying to get the grapes. We do the same
thing when faced with having to make a difficult choice, like
quitting cigarettes, getting into an exercise routine or eating a
healthier diet. We might make an effort to do one of these things but
then encounter the reality that changing our habits is hard! Like the
fox, we might then give up, and then look for reasons to justify
giving up.
What
are our “sour grapes?”
The
following are some of the ways of thinking we use that get in the way
of our making better choices:
- Denial: We tell ourselves that there is no problem. We avoid looking at the evidence that we need to make some changes. Mad magazine's Alfred E. Newman famous saying, “What me worry?” captures this approach.
- Minimization: We see we might have a problem, but tell ourselves that the problem is “no big deal.”
- Rationalization: We give ourselves excuses not to change, “Everyone is going to die anyway,” or “I am too busy to make the effort to change now.”
- Externalization: We deny personal responsibility, we see ourselves as victims of external forces. “The advertising industry keeps pushing these bad foods on us,” or “I would be out of place if I didn't have a drink.”
- Internalization: We tell ourselves that we can't make a change, “I don't have any will power.”
All of
these lead to the same result- we continue to put our futures at risk
by not changing harmful habits.
How
we can regain control
To
make positive changes in our lives that can have long lasting effects
on our health and happiness we need to recognize and combat the
rationalizations and excuses we give ourselves to avoid doing what we
know is right.
- Denial: We need to allow ourselves to look at the facts, look at the potential risks of maintaining unhealthy behaviors. There a many feelings that support denial, such as the worry that if we face a problem we will have to face the shame of having that problem or the fear we will not be able to do anything about it. It may be helpful to recognize that change takes time and the first step is learning about the problem, and not put pressure on ourselves to change immediately.
- Minimizing: Similar to denial we need to open ourselves up to information, to learn about both the risks of having unhealthier habits, and also the benefits of changing those habits.
- Rationalization: We need to develop arguments to counter these rationalizations. For example, “Yes it is true we are all going to die of something, but why speed the process up or make the last years of our lives less enjoyable?” Or, “Yes there is a lot going on in our lives and it is hard to find the time to do something new, but don't we usually find time for the things that are really important to us, maybe we need to look at our priorities.” If we are having trouble coming up with counter arguments we think about what we would say to a friend who presented the same rational we are using, or ask other people how they would respond to our rationalizations.
- Externalization: There are many powerful influences on our behavior, both on a large scale and in our immediate lives, but in the end it is our life and we need to take responsibility for it.
- Internalization: Just because we don't have the will power now doesn't mean we cannot develop it. There are a number of things that we can do to improve our will power, for example: building our commitment to change by looking at the benefits, having a good plan for how we are going to make positive changes, increasing social support, and many others that I will be looking at in future blogs.
We do
not have to be slaves to our bad habits. By recognizing and
challenging the thinking that holds us back from making positive
changes in our lives, we can as Jimmy Carter said, take control of
our destiny!
Until
next time,
